A Little Clarification to All...

by Steve Wilson

***actual date forgotten


..This is not for you all... this is not for the ones who thought I belong to the "we"... this is for me... For the existence of that "I" and his procedures...! 

To Dear Atanu & all,

   

           Don't think I flow and I don't have the controll... At each and every step... each and every movement that I made... each and every decision... and the most pathetic fact is that in each and every emotions...I knew and I know... what I was and am doing... at each point it was clear like water..even more than that... I knew what is following for what... the causality... and I could and I can break the flow... I had done many times...and that was also the flow! But this nature had made me even more pathetic... !! And hence if I flow away... then don't think the current was powerful... it was me who has allowed...permitted...the current to let me flow away... and even more... when I was and am flowing... I know very very very well that at any point I can reject the current... But its again my decision I am letting it to carry me on... If you think what you should think then... I have no problem... no problem at all... as I never had any! I know you are mistaken... and you will be always mistaken... I always searched for a "way in" so that I can make myself busy in searching for the "way out"... yes this is rediculous... but again theres nothing meaningful... this is my way... and I am playing well with me... this doesn't give me pleasure... but it works... yes I am the maker and the breaker of my rules... and I will break it pathetically whenever I need to let me pass the way... as this "way" is important to me... don't shape me... I don't have any..really! 

         The summary is clear... that it will be always unclear to you all... thats it and thats all... I don't belong... I belong no where... Every individual is different... and every one is pathetically lonely... no one no one gonna help no one... this is true... in whatever way you pretend that you have some rules and you belong somwhere... I believe... I have to mislead myself.. cheat my self... I know... there are two persons within me even more than that... and they quarrel... but seriously speaking... I have got controll over them over emotions too... such a scoundrell I am ! I have chosen to be flowed and I will... "aay khelbi sukh-dukkher khela".. yes seriously I know its a "khela" not dialogues... this is true.. I can feel its a game... and I keep myself busy..though cannot stop the conversations between me and the bustard me...! Still... fine... it works and its working... I have suffered and I will... but its a new way... and its fine... so lets move on with this experiment.... 

       You all are fine with yourselves... fine... play your cards... after all you have to cheat yourselves...and have to win over you... never try to belong... this belonging doesn't exist believe me.. it doesn't !

       Lastly... this piece of shit is for me... and the all "me"...!

Thank you